Have you ever sat and wondered what it would be like if we all looked like pirates? Funny hats, parrots, cut off pantaloons, I mean the full shebang. To be honest, I haven’t put much thought into it at all really.
Still now I come to think of it, being a pirate could potentially be quite fun. You’d get to ride around on a pretty impressive ship all day, rent-free. I mean no ones going to try and charge you, your e a pirate. Tax and national insurance charges would be a mere fable. You’d get a constant companion in the form of a parrot, and if the parrot doesn’t sway it, just think, you’d be completely liberated to wear as much 2009, ready to wear McQueen as you wanted and still look cool. Lets not forget the most important part of becoming a pirate, those treasure chests, full of plastic “gold” and “Pat Butcher” gems. Of course we would all have to deal with that tedious peg leg, but hey, you could always opt for a carved, mahogany, prosthetic McQueen to match your skull and cross bone attire.
I don’t know about you but I’m already planning where I’m going to position that parrot perch, and fabric lands on hold, waiting for me to pick up my order of 500 meters of black, high shine, 100% polyester… ya know, for the sails.
Its yet to be confirmed what’s happening on the grooming front. However I’m foreseeing yards and yards of matted, food encrusted beard, embellished with the odd plait and wooden bead (defiantly more time efficient than all that “designer stubble.” Hair is surely going to be left unmanaged and soiled with optional gull feathers, saving you endless and excessively expensive hours in the salon, if its generally you wielding a pair of scissors, maybe trade in your clippers for the latest pair of shears and take you talent to the nearer poodle parlour. Just for the next 6 months until all this Pirate-ness blows over.
I know this all sounds a little, well no, absolutely ridiculous However its become apparent to me while pursuing the latest happenings on the high street, (no buying anything I swear) that maybe people are discovering they have a modest soft spot for an eye patch/ Admiral Jacket combo. I mean perhaps it was inevitable with literally EVERYTHING getting a touch of Military, and then there was the re-introduction of the drop crotch, which sent everyone flapping around like saggy, headless chickens. We’re also seeing a wide range of millinery making a slow but sure come back, ok I admit, I’ve seen a few Tricorne Captain hats sitting comfortably on the crowns of bearded fashionistas, but its only time before they start popping up in front of you on a Wednesday evening, whilst watching the latest blockbuster.
With leading, high street stores such as Topman introducing the featured earing into their men’s accessory collection and this seasons, nautical trend progressing into a smart, more elegant hybrid, it seems a unanimous “arrrrr, me matey” is defiantly on the cards for the forthcoming season, or, to the dismay of us all, winter.
P.S. No parrots were injured in the making of this post.
By Jacob Kamara