I’m going to start this article by telling you that you’re already confident.
I know, not something you expected to hear from an article focusing on how to be confident but the reason I say that is because everyone has the ability to be truly confident at anything they desire.
You’re already confident in various areas of your life.
Are you confident in tying your shoelaces? The answer is probably yes. Are you confident in buttoning up your shirt? Are you confident in walking? If you’ve been driving for a few years, are you a confident driver?
Now the thing with confidence is we find it very easy to label ourselves as ‘not confident’. I used to do it for so many years. I used to consistently tell myself I wasn’t confident holding back from the things I wanted to do.
The issue is when you give yourself that label, it holds you back from achieving what you truly can achieve. Confidence isn’t something that you can label. Confidence isn’t something that you can say you either have or you don’t have because you are confident in a lot of areas already.
For example, if you’re working a certain job role and you’ve been doing it for years and I ask if you’re confident in that job role, you’re like going to say yes. But if I would start in that job tomorrow and you asked me if I was confident in that job role, my answer is likely going to be no.
Confidence isn’t something that you can label as a whole. Confidence is something that you need to break down into specific areas.
Listen, everyone is already confident… the quicker you come to terms with that the better.
Highlight The Problem Areas
The first thing you need to do if you want to become more confident is work out the areas that you suffer with confidence. Let’s say that you’re labelling yourself as someone who isn’t confident because you struggle approaching and talking to new people. Again that isn’t you being crippled by a lack of confidence as a whole, that’s simply an area where you lack confidence.. an area you can improve.
Once you label those areas and you start to know the areas that you’re not confident in, it’s all about applying the strategies that I’m going to share with you in this video.
The first thing that obviously you need to do is actually think where am I lacking confidence? Now typically that comes from areas that you fear. If you fear public speaking, that’s probably an area where you have no confidence. If you fear talking to girls, that could be an example of where you lack confidence. If you’re fearful of going on video and creating YouTube videos, again, that is an area where you probably lack confidence.
So the first thing you need to do is write down all of these areas where you feel like you lack confidence because most importantly… you need to then start doing something about them.
Get Outside Your Comfort Zone
Now improving confidence is all about getting outside of your comfort zone. Like I’ve said, having no confidence in a specific area is simply you fearing that situation. The only way that you can overcome fear is to actually challenge that comfort zone.
When you’re comfortable, it really isn’t a good place to be in. I know that it feels good to be comfortable when you’re never challenging yourself but in 40, 50 years time, when you’re still in the same situation that you’ve always been and you haven’t those fears, you haven’t challenged that comfort zone, it really isn’t going to be something that you look back on proud.
You really want to start breaking comfort zones.
Let’s use this example: I’ve just recently spoken at an event. When I first started to do public speaking, I was extremely nervous and I wasn’t confident. If you asked me to stand in front of 300 people and start talking to them as a presentation, I would say no. I would say that I wasn’t confident in doing that. In fact, the first time I did it, I really wasn’t confident. I practised it so much I delivered it robotically. I stood up on stage, nerves took over but I still managed to do it. Then the second time I did it, again, I still had that feeling but it was a tiny bit better. The third time I did it, it was a tiny bit better. The more and more I’ve spoken in public the more confident I become in it.
If you put 10,000 people in front of me would I be nervous? Of course. But I’d be more confident in my abilities to deliver than I was 5 years ago when I’d never spoken in public.
If you’re lacking confidence talking to people, all you need to do is break that comfort zone. Start going and talking to more people. The first few times will be extremely difficult. You’ll have those butterflies but you need to face that fear and do it anyway because once you start to face it, once you start to do it more and more often, you are seriously going to become more confident in that area of your life.
Don’t Worry What People Think
The other thing that holds people back in terms of confidence is worrying what people think.
I’m literally just going to break this to you… You are not that important.
What I mean by that is we’re always worrying what people think of us, but in reality, everyone else has their own insecurities, their own worries, their own fears, their own lack of confidence and they’re not going to be worrying about you.
If you’re worried about approaching new people because you think they may judge you, they may think something of you, trust me, you’re not that important. They are not going to be thinking of you as much as you think they are.
Do not worry what people think. I did a whole video on this and an article which you can read here, but you really want to get over this fear because as soon as you stop worrying what people think, as soon as you start becoming the real you, your confidence will start to come out in volumes.
You also want to make sure that you’re focusing on consistency when breaking comfort zones and focusing on becoming more confident.
What I mean by that is if you fear and you’re not confident when speaking in public don’t just do it once. If you do it once and then you don’t do it again for a few years, guess what? That fear is still going to be there. You lacking confidence in that area will still exist.
The more you can do it, you more you face that fear and the more consistent you are the more confident you’ll become. If you fear approaching and speaking to new people, go out and do it. Speak to as many people as you can and push through the initial fear. Do it once, do it again, again and again.
The more you do something, the more you face that initial fear the more you’re going to become confident in it. Think of it like a muscle. The more you work your muscle, the more it will grow. It’s the same with confidence. The more you work that comfort zone, the more you do that fearful thing that you are struggling to do, the more confident you’re going to become in that area.
Take driving for example. If you’ve been driving for a few years, you just literally step in the car, start the ignition and start driving. You don’t start fearing it. You wouldn’t say you’re an unconfident driver and that’s because you’ve been doing it consistently. You faced that fear right in the beginning when you started to learn. You’ve done it consistently and now that fear has gone. You’ve become confident in that area.
It’s the same thing when you started something new, whether it was your first day at your job, a first day starting a business, your first day at school… all of these are times when we weren’t confident, we were fearful, but when we showed up and consistently faced that fear we started to become more comfortable and confident.
It’s Not Going To Be Perfect
The other thing is perfectionism. Simply knock it on the head. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect.
Again I did a whole video on this and an article on how to overcome perfectionism (read it here) but when you are trying to become confident, you can’t become caught up in worry about protecting the perfect version of yourself. You literally need to just get out there, and just do it.
Nothing will be perfect at the beginning, it’s going to be messy. Just get out there, face the fear and don’t worry about perfectionism.
Focus On Your Body Language
Another thing to consider is your body language and almost faking it until you make it. Becoming a false version of yourself isn’t something I recommend but small adjustments to your body language can really help improve confidence and help you face fears.
Small adjustments to the way you stand, the way you sit, how you make eye contact and speak can have a huge impact on your confidence. Of course, the way you look and feel will also improve your confidence.
Think about your body language when speaking to others. Do you have your arms crossed? Are you making eye contact? Are you standing straight or slouching?
Try walking into a busy room with your head down, and then try walking into a room upright and smiling. Not only will the perception of you will change, but this simple adjustment will boost your confidence too.
Become Confident Today
Just to recap… Don’t comment below saying “I’m not confident, I can’t do that!” because you are a confident person. Having no confidence as a whole, labelling yourself as ‘not a confident person’ is inaccurate. It is as simple as that.
You aren’t confident in certain areas of your life, so you need to identify those areas that you’re not. Once you’ve identified those areas you need to start getting outside of your comfort zone, start facing the fear and start doing them consistently. This alone will help you become confident in that area.
I, for one, I’m not a completely confident person. But knowing this principle I don’t label myself as someone who struggles with confidence anymore.
I have a higher fear tolerance now. If I fear something, if I have those butterflies, if I start to worry, I know that something good is about to come from that. With practice I’ve developed a high fear tolerance so if something feels uncomfortable I’ll go ahead and do it.
I’m always consistently looking to break new comfort zones, to increase my confidence in other areas. If I feel like I haven’t challenged myself for a while I’ll find an area that’s challenging and dive in.
Make sure that you identify the areas that you’re not confident. You face those fears. You break those comfort zones and you consistently try and get outside of your comfort zone. Try and grow as a person. Try and face fears because that is definitely going to help you.
This video, an older video of mine breaks down how to be confident in 4 steps.
Go Out & Be Confident
There we go. If you’ve enjoyed this video and article let me know in the comment below.
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Are you ready to go out and break some comfort zones?
Are you ready to be confident?